August 17, 2011

A Compelling Message for Teen Abstinence

Society has been conned into believing that sex is casual and that princesses and princes do not exist. It has come to believe that things are not special and we are nothing but animals. I think this is one of the most appalling and sad things that has happened in society. I read an article on titled: Wet Mascara - A Compelling Message for Teen Abstinence. This article hit really close to home because personally I believe in abstinence before marriage. This subject is very sensitive for most people, myself included.

The article was written by a girl named Faye who is in high school. She just broke up with her boyfriend whose name was Richard, he was known as one of the cool kids and he was a football player. They broke up because she didn't want to lose her virginity. The article talks about the reasons why she didn't want to lose her virginity. She had many reasons and she called them the chain. She is Catholic so she didn't want to let down her belief. She didn't want to let down her parents. She also wanted a man who was not just a "relationship" but a life long lover. It sounded very logical to me. I loved the article. You could hear the hurt in her voice when she had to let her boyfriend go but she did it because she knew it was the right thing.

This generation has been told to believe that sexual desires cannot be controlled and there is no reason to control it. Many high schoolers lost their virginity between the ages of fourteen and seventeen. When you look back at that age you can see how young and tiny you really were. Most admit that they weren't ready for it and I would bet that they weren't ready for the consequences. AIDS, STDs and pregnancy are just a few. From a one time fling you can catch a disease that will last your lifetime and can even cut your lifetime short. Ask anyone was that one time worth it? I would bet that most would say it wasn't. We are in a sex filled society with shows like The Secret Life of an American Teenager (where it makes it look like every single teenager is having sex), Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries, 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom. Ive watched all of these shows many times and even enjoyed quite a few of them. but looking back as a married adult I can see how much those shows infiltrated our society and gets in the minds of girls.

Teenage girls and even young adult women tell me that I don't know what its like because I am married. I think they tend to forget that I am only 22 years old and was a teenager just yesterday. Yes, I remember the pressure to be sexually active or at least "mess around." I did my best to stay abstinent and didn't even kiss a boy until I was seventeen and a half. I cant say I succeeded at my goal but I wish with all my heart that I did. I was one of the lucky ones that didn't get pregnant out of wedlock and didn't get an STD. Even without those consequences I still wish that I would have waited. I wish all girls could hear my story about how real men do exist and something close to a fairy tale can happen. I wish I could tell them all that having sex before you are married can hurt your future husband or wife. I wish this generation wasn't so sex obsessed and knew how precious it is to not sleep with everyone on the football team. I also wish that I could tell every girl in the world that even if you have had sex, you can CHOOSE to not have sex anymore. Just start over. You cant get your virginity back but you can get your pride and purity back. God can fix any wounds we have created.

I love this article so I will post it below. She said it far better than I could ever have said:
The following account from a seventeen-year-old girl who advocates abstinence until marriage is from an issue of Life Issues Institute Newsletter:

"I guess that 2 am on an autumn night is as good a time as any for an emotional breakdown - which is why my pillow is wet and the mascara, so carefully applied to impress you, Richard, is spread across my nose and cheeks. They call it waterproof mascara, but sometimes life's setbacks are just too much even for waterproof mascara. Why don't they market 'loser's mascara' so a teenage girl can get dropped on her head by a football hero and fade out of the picture glamorously.

"We've been dating steadily for three months now. But when you drove off a half-hour ago, your masculine pride wounded, I realized that we were through. You didn't say as much, but I know you won't call again. You did say, 'I've been patient, Faye, but three months is a long time and . . .well, you know.' Sure, three months is a long time to date a girl who doesn't 'put out.' The pressure has been building up slowly as we've become more intimate and more fond of each other. At least you were nice enough to bother with me for three whole months. I mean . . .a virgin and a football player!? Not a very workable combination, is it Richard?

"But I won't be dateless forever. In spite of what people say, there are a lot of guys who will date virgins. After all, I'm only 17 and you're 18. We're not in the compulsory-affair age group yet. And I'm pretty enough to have guys calling me up, Richard. But, I'll admit, they're not superstars like you. Because your jaw is square and you look like Sean Penn, you're charming and witty, and you led the league in rushing last season, you expect a girl to 'put out.' And I know plenty of my girlfriends who would, maybe will, do just that for you.

"But why wouldn't I? It's just not that easy to explain. And sitting in your car a few minutes ago, with your eyes blazing angrily at me, the reasons just fell out of my head like shingles off a roof. And I felt stupid for not wanting to make love. And yet there are many reasons why I am unwilling. You say they're dumb reasons. Well, tonight maybe I think so too, but tomorrow I think maybe they'll seem valid again. 'Is it because I'm Catholic?' you asked. Well, in a way, but that's not the whole reason. Having sex with you tonight would have caused a chain reaction, and now that I'm lying alone in bed, I can see that chain more clearly.

"Why is it that the answers appear only after the argument's over? If I slept with you, I couldn't go to communion on Sunday and, as we go to Mass as a family, that would set my parents worrying, and then what would I tell them? So that's two people that I love who are hurt right off the bat. Plus I'd feel hurt and guilty too.

"I'm no saint, Richard, but I don't want to abandon my faith. I believe in God, and that belief gives my life a very real and sane perspective. But to you who have no religion, for me to say I like being a practicing Catholic, well, that's sort of like saying I like being a chimpanzee - you just wouldn't understand. What other reasons do I have?

"Well, in a way, my generation is shell-shocked. You know the sexual revolution isn't a revolution any longer. It's old hat. Some of us, even at my age, can stand back and observe the outcome before being involved and, frankly, I don't like what I see. If I could look at my friends and family who've been a part of that revolution and say, 'They lived happily ever after,' I might be a convert. I might even now be snuggled in your arms in that warm car, but it's not like that, Richard. I see a great big lack of happiness out there.

"My older sister, Ruth, lived with her boyfriend for twelve months when she was 19, and then it fell apart - his doing, mainly. She was so hurt by it that she warned me never to get caught in the same situation. She really didn't have to warn me. I could see the agony involved, and she wasn't even pregnant. Imagine if she'd been pregnant and been duped. Well, she might have turned into a single parent struggling along trying to juggle a baby and roommates and high rent. Her glamorous single existence would be long gone. But she's still not married, and I think the experience has hurt her so badly that it's warped her attitude toward making a future commitment.

"What other reasons come to mind as I lie here in bed at 2 am? Well, many. My generation - our generation, Richard - sees a lot of scary things coming from having casual sex: herpes, AIDS, venereal disease, warts, sores and abortions. You know, back in the '60s, teenagers didn't have to worry so much. Oh, there was venereal disease, but that was about it. But today, when a girl loses her virginity, my friends joke, 'Then she's eligible for the Big D.' "D" is for death because, if you get AIDS, you can die from having had that sex. You know, casual sex isn't all that casual.

"I don't know anyone personally who has herpes, but one of my sister's girlfriends caught it off a guy whom she considered very nice, and it was only the second guy she'd slept with. But now, herpes will give her a lifetime of problems like who would want to marry her? And when she has babies, if the herpes is active, she'll have to have a caesarean section. You know, all of these things give a girl cause to think.

"And then there's another reason, Richard, why I'd like to hold on to my virginity. What could have started tonight would have been a 'relationship', an open-ended affair with no strings, no commitments and no ground rules. How long would it last - six months, a year? Not forever, that's for sure, because neither of us is ready for marriage yet. Two of my close girlfriends are in just such relationships now - totally non-binding. And that's where the chain reaction comes in.

"When their relationships end, Richard, they're likely to move into somebody else's bed. Oh, I've heard about secondary virginity where someone loses his or her virginity and then regrets it and opts for celibacy, but that's rare. If I lose my virginity at 17, how many men will I sleep with before meeting the one I marry? And, you know, I guess I just don't want to be someone's casual 'relationship'.

"When I give myself, I want it to be in marriage. I want to be somebody's life-long lover - the person my man can't bear to live without. I don't want a 'relationship'. Anybody can have that. I want poems and flowers. I want a diamond ring and children and a history together. And I want our history to end happily ever after.

"Well, it's 3 o'clock in the morning now, and I guess I am feeling a bit better. I guess I should have laid out these reasons for you tonight, my handsome friend, but at least in thinking them back in my own mind, I'm better equipped to handle the fact that we are through. And tomorrow I'll wipe off my smeared mascara and get on with my life.

"Will I see you at Diane's party? And who will you have on your arm? Will my heart churn as I linger by the punch bowl pretending to have a marvelous time engrossed in conversation with a nerd? Yes, I will. I've lost you, Richard, but I retain my independence, my self-respect and my simple uncomplicated existence. Tomorrow my eyes will be swollen, but my future will be free and unfettered. So I guess maybe I'm really not a loser after all."

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