September 19, 2011

The reason

When I start to get depressed and missing Riley takes over my life God sends me little reminders that I am not alone. I hope that one day God will bless us with one biological child to keep. We have always known we will adopt at least two but we had hoped we would be able to have one biological. I have come to terms that may never happen. My selfish heart still hopes that it does but I have faith that no matter the circumstances God will bless us. I miss my adoptive children just as much as I miss Riley. They are far away from me right now, just as Riley is. I will be with them someday, just as I will be with Riley. It still hurts a bit more because Riley was already here and in my life when I had to say goodbye.

Today I had a reminder that when a baby dies it doesn't just affect the parents. On Friday was a little boy who came into my office complaining of a headache. He was sitting there in the corner of the room sipping water while I was helping other children. This little boy then started to cry. I asked him if his head hurt that bad and he said no his heart hurt. I asked him, "you  mean like chest pains?" He said no he was missing his niece. I asked, "Oh, well where is she?"

"In heaven."

Those two words broke my heart. He shared his story with me. His sister and her husband were expecting a little girl but at about 18 weeks they lost the baby. He said he missed her so much and he was worried that in heaven no one would be there to teach her to walk and talk because her whole family was still here. He didn't want her to be crying because she missed her mommy and daddy so much. He was worried that she would forget about him. He asked me if I knew anyone in heaven that would take care of her until he could get there in one-hundred years when he dies. I said of course I do. I said my son Riley is there too. He said he knows who Jesus is and Jesus loves him so then he would love her too! He said Jesus will take care of the babies until we get there.

I agree. Until I get there and even after that He will take care of all of us. Forever and ever.

"I know I'll see the sun shine bright
upon my baby's face....
When I finally get to heaven,
all my pain will be erased.

We'll soar the skies together,
as angels two by two.
We'll have a sweet reunion,
this mother's dream come true!"

Momma misses you so much Riley. Jesus knows I miss my babies all over the world.
Love, Momma

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