December 20, 2010

Forgive Me if You Will

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. ~Robert C. Gallagher

Life never ceases to amaze me. From the good to the bad, the changes to the stagnant things, the promises to the lies. Its never quite what you expect. Sometimes you put your trust in people that end up bruising your heart, and sometimes you dont expect someone to come through for you and they are the ones that show up when you need them most. I have learned through all of this that its not necessary to give people titles like "best friend" or even "friend." I only have one best friend, and I married him. I love everyone in my life the same. I would protect them all the same and gladly lay down my life for any of them. I just cant bring myself to label anyone my best friend anymore. Maybe I have turned bitter to that title but its true. I dont think there is anything wrong with it. We take each day one at a time because I know just because we were best friends today doesnt mean we will be best friends tomorrow. Ive had people who I had been close with for years and then one day they just stop talking to me and block me out of their lives, no explaination at all. I just want everyone to know that no matter what happens, and I do mean whatever happens, I will always be there for you and love you. No matter how long its been, what words were said, what actions took place or anything, I will always be there. I was created to be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. I give very honest critiques and I dont sugar coat but always take what I say with a grain of salt. I dont believe in mousing around issues and I am not afraid for you to yell at me. Someone has to tell the truth and it may as well be me. Maybe I am just to honest to keep a best friend outside of my other half. Maybe I was meant to have a hundred random friends and not a single best friend. That is okay with me.
I remember growing up and crying when I got home from school because I had no real "best friend." No one stuck around for very long. I spent more time lost in books or compiling the next written work in my journal, than I did with people. I was peculiar, hard headed and rough around the edges, Im still that way. I did have one best friend in the beginning of high school but even that didnt make it past the boy stage, probably of my fault. I hope she knows that I will always treasure that time and I love her with an honest and innocent love because she showed me how to be a friend. I am by no means perfect. I screw up a lot but I always mean what I say so when I say sorry I mean it from the bottom of my soul. I dont take the words "Im sorry" lightly because I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I hope that people can learn to forgive me for my mistakes as I have already forgotten theirs. I never hold a grudge, never ever. So if you feel like you cant come talk to be because of something we said years ago then dont worry about it. There is no point in holding a grudge against someone you once cared about. I believe there is an honest love between friends and true friends can overcome anything that happens. I just want to be able to anonymously say Im sorry because I know if I brought this up now it may freak you out that I still think about our friendship even these many years later.
So if you stumble upon this and you think this has to do with you or you just want to reconcile anything with me please dont hesitate to contact me.
I want bygones to be bygones. Leave the past in the past and hold of fast.

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