December 21, 2010

Waiting on You Lord...

...its not easy but faithfully I will wait.

I miss you so much right now that it hurts. My head aches and my eyes mist over as I think about bringing you home someday.
Always know that I have loved you since the beginning of time and I will do whatever it takes to bring you home.

My husband and I have been planning to adopt for what seems like forever. We are waiting on the Lord to tell us when the time is right. We are only coming up on our first wedding anniversary and our four year anniversary so we know we are still young in life. We are trying to live in obedience and let him take control. I know I have slipped and I am thankful for a God who is full of grace because he has blessed me so much that I know I do not deserve.

My kids may not have even been born or conceived yet but I dream about them. I wonder what they look like. Will they have brown curly hair and a big grin? Will they have frizzy red hair with doe like blue eyes? Will they be hazel eyed with coffee colored skin? Will they be short or tall, I think they will be just right. I wonder what their personality will be like. Will they be a little spitfire like their momma or will they be calm and collected like their dad? Will they love sports or books or both? Will they love to talk your ear off or will they love to listen? Will they love to dance and sing or will they love to tend to a garden? Will they love to travel the world or stay at home? I know whatever child the Lord places in our arms they will be perfect.

I try to be as patient as I can but my heart just aches thinking that the birth mother of my child is out there right now. She is living and breathing and all I can do is hope and pray that she is okay. I ask the Lord to take care of her and keep her under his wing. I know giving us such a blessing will cause her heartache so I beg the Lord to give her strength and love. I pray that she is taken care of and loved. I pray she knows the love of Jesus and someday we will get to meet. I wish I had the opportunity to give her a hug and thank her for all she is about to do. I want her to know that she is beautiful and she is strong. I want her to know the Lord made her in his image and that she is amazing. I want her to know that the Lord created her to be treasured and that she is mighty. I just pray that while we are both waiting to see what the future brings us that she knows I am praying for her.
I worship and I pray and I cry and I love and I hope and I serve and I worship and I pray and I cry and I love and I hope and I serve and I worship and I pray and I cry and I love and I hope and I serve and I worship and I pray and I cry and I love and I hope and I serve until it is time for my children to come home.

When my heart starts to ache and I grow impatient I put on the song "While Im Waiting" by John Waller and I just pour my heart out to the Lord. He gives me strength when I am weak. He comforts me when I am scared. He builds me up when I feel like my heart is collapsing beneath me. Whatever he has in store it must be amazing because this plan he is creating feels like it is taking a long time. There goes my impatience again (lol). I just pray for peace to fill my heart.
He is control and that is all I need to know.

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