November 21, 2011


If you don't already know, winter is my favorite season. Seriously, I love everything about winter. The slow music cuddling on the couch with a book and hot chocolate or in my case, tea. Lovely, wonderful, hot tea. Scarves are pretty much my favorite clothing item, not accessory but clothing item. I would have shelves of the if I was rich. I love the cold weather and seeing my breath. Being all bundled up to go to the store and saying, "Happy Thanksgiving!" and right after "Merry Christmas!" I love saying it so much sometimes even after Christmas I still say it because I forget it already happened. Forget the gifts I love The Reason for the season (more like The Reason for everything). I love seeing family over and over and over again. I think they must be sick of me by January. I love visiting the snow (Thanking God I don't live in it). Sleeping with the windows open at night... amazing, especially when you get to wake up next to a handsome personal heater.
This season will be extremely hard this year though... Riley's original due date was just a few days after Christmas, December 27th, my supposed-to-be Christmas baby. Brielle would have been twelve weeks this Friday and we were going to announce the pregnancy at Thanksgiving, my little Junebug. This is the first holiday season without our babies. As of today we are a family of four but only two are on earth. I ache wanting them here with me but I am grateful that they are able to be in heaven with Jesus. I am trying to lay my own feelings aside and accepting what is best for my babies.

It means that there is one more Christmas that I don't have my babies in my arms... My kiddos from across the ocean are still without me and it makes my heart hurt. All of my children are so far. Some are across the ocean and some are in heaven. I feel like pieces of me are missing and right now there isn't much I can do about it. Jesus has been doing a work on my heart, bringing a sense of peace I didn't know was possible. I feel internally at peace but at the same time he is building a fire inside that is burning brighter everday. When I figure out what this fire is burning for I know I will feel more complete. Missing pieces of the puzzle coming together.
 Making myself smile by taking a Christmas survey:
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Tea :)

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa is my grandpa so Mrs. Clause and he wraps them.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White, almost all of our decorations are all white snow and silver colored.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope, there might be nargles in them.
5. When do you put your decorations up? I wanted to do it this past weekend but it was to early, so probably the weekend after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? I love dark meat turkey, green beans with onions, and homemade mashed potatoes.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Christmas was always amazing when you grew up with Sanda as your grandpa.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I grew up knowing Santa wasn't really real but that he was related to me... strange upbringing haha

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Only if it was the time we were celebrating with part of my family.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? We have an "ornament of the year" which stands for something. Last year it was a carved giraffe and this year we have two. Riley's is a little lion and Brielle's is an angel.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? I love to visit it :)

12. Can you ice skate? Psh, no way. Do you know how clumsy I am?

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? I have always liked all of them.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Jesus, family and friends.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Pie and coffee.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Hanging out in our PJ's at my parents house eating breakfast before opening presents.

17. What tops your tree? Nothing haha

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving. I would much rather do Operation Christmas Child or Angel Tree or Doves than recieve presents.

19. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? Yum!

20. Favorite Christmas show? I don't think I have one.

21. Saddest Christmas Song? Christmas Shoes

22. What is your favorite Christmas song? Anything about The Reason!

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