To say or not to say...

Updated on 12/2/11: Missing Riley, Brielle and Maia.

Some people wonder what can you say or what should you say when a friend or loved one has lost their baby? This is just a simple list of things that in most cases would be okay to say and a list of things you shouldnt say.

It is of course different for each mother going through it and each father. It depends on her greiving process. The best thing you can do is listen and dont judge her based on her emotions. If she wants to cry, let her cry. If she gets angry, help her work through that anger. If she blames herself, reassure her. If she screams and wails, let her and dont leave her. Just listen. Going through this has taught me that the absolute best thing you can do for someone is to listen to whatever they have to say even if it takes hours. Just sit with them and love them. Dont try to "fix" them or get them to stop crying. Dont pretend like it didnt happen. Recognize the baby by the name if they chose to name the baby. Urge them to take care of themselves and eat. Urge them to seek counseling if you feel like you cant listen enough or if they are showing suicidal tendencies. Many women are depressed for a few weeks, while some women take months, years or never heal. Losing a child is one of the hardest things someone has to go through, regardless of the age the child is loved and treasured.


Things okay to say:

1. "Im so sorry."
2. "I'm here to listen."
3. "It's not your fault."
4. "I love you and am praying for you."
5. "Can I pray with you?"
6. "Do you want to talk about it?"
7. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"
8. "We love and miss Riley, Brielle and Maia too." (call the baby by his or her name).
9. "Can I cry with you?"
10. "Can I give you a hug?"
11. "It's okay to cry and be sad/upset/angry/tired/hurt/etc."
12. "It sucks and I wish I could change it."

Things NOT to say:

1. "You can try again later." (That doesn't change the fact that we miss this baby right now, one child doesn't replace another).
2. "You will have more children someday." (I repeat: one child doesn't replace another).
3. "You're strong you will get over it/past it." (you NEVER get "over" the death of your child).
4. "I've been through something similar... my dog died last week/I lost my job/my month sucks too/etc." (you better not compare the loss of my children to losing a dog... you may see a side of me you have never seen before).
5. "At least you werent too far along." (a baby is a baby no matter how small. Saying this is like saying its better to have your newborn die than your toddler).
6. "It's probably better it died because there may have been something wrong with it" (never ever, ever refer to the baby as an it and nothing was "wrong" with my baby).
7. "Someday you will have a chance to be a mom/dad" (she or he is already a mom or dad, dont belittle their baby in heaven).
8. "Miscarriage can be a good thing because you dont want a retarded baby. I know I wouldnt." (This should be self explainatory but yes, people have said this)
9. "How far along were you?" (It doesnt matter).
10. "You know my aunt/mom/sister/friend went through the same thing and went on to have more children." (Nice way to blow off the way the mother is feeling right now).
11. "Why do you name your miscarriages/blobs/fetus/etc?" (There was a BABY in there not a "blob" and I am not "naming my miscarriages" I am naming my children).
12. "Someday you will be a great mom." (are you saying that I am not a great mom now or that I am not a mom period?)

Fifty-three Million

If 53 million children disappeared from the earth, would you notice?

If 53 million lives were gone, would you care?

If 53 million people were thrown away, would you do something?

Today marks the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. As of January 22, 1973 there are 53 million voices silenced because of something we call choice.

Abortion is a very sensitive topic for many people to discuss. There are many different stances on it. There are prolife people, prochoice people, prodeath people, medical prochoice people, in the case rape or incest prochoice people, and others.

My belief is that ALL human beings deserve equal rights. The most basic right we have is the right to life. I dont think we should be judging people on their age, size, location or appearance. Life is the most basic right, "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness..." But why is it only some humans have those rights? I stand for equal human rights.


This is what abortion does. Abortion means that one person is better than another. One life is more important than another. Abortion is saying, "I have the right to end you life just for convenience because I dont want to have to deal with you."

I know all human life is special and needs to be seen as something good. Life is good. Human life is good. God created us and said that it was good. Ending these lives for the sake of choice is throwing the natural order to life into oblivion. Over 95% of abortions occur because the mother just decides she doesnt want to be pregnant anymore. Less than 1% is because of rape or incest and 1% is because of fetal abnormalities.

(http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/psrh/full/3711005.pdf)

There are millions and millions of lives being thrown away just for convenience... one life is more important than another. This is what America believes in, is it? Does America believe that some people are better than others? That older people are better than younger people? That bigger people are better than smaller people? That 'normal' looking people are better than less developed looking people? Is this really what our country stands for? It appalls me that we are legally allowed to end a human life because of how old that human is; taking in no regard for that individual human life.

Science states that life begins at conception. Prenatal development text books used in medical school state that human life begins at conception. Here is just five medical professors that say the point of life is able to be pinpointed:

"It is incorrect to say that biological data cannot be decisive...It is scientifically correct to say that an individual human life begins at conception."
-Professor Micheline Matthews
Roth Harvard University Medical School

"I have learned from my earliest medical education that human life begins at the time of conception."
-Dr. Alfred M. Bongioanni
Professor of Pediatrics and Obstetrics, University of Pennsylvania

"After fertilization has taken place a new human being has come into being. [It] is no longer a matter of taste or opinion...it is plain experimental evidence. Each individual has a very neat beginning, at conception."
-Dr. Jerome LeJeune
Professor of Genetics, University of Descartes

"By all the criteria of modern molecular biology, life is present from the moment of conception."
-Professor Hymie Gordon
Mayo Clinic

"The beginning of a single human life is from a biological point of view a simple and straightforward matter – the beginning is conception."
-Dr. Watson A. Bowes
University of Colorado Medical School


So even science states that human life begins at conception and we still cant seem to grasp the idea that abortion is ending these human lives.

We also dont know the repercussions of what abortion does to a society or the human race as a whole. When one out of three lives are missing from America, I think it would effect things. I hope this makes you think: